TMI…… I just finished watching porn and it was raunchy and I really enjoyed it. When i was done, My eyes watered up and I immediately thought to myself, how could that guy disrespect himself like that? How could he just let people use him any kind of way and did he really do THAT? He is disgusting and he should be ashamed of himself. Ummmmmm skirrrrrt, who was watching and imagining that it was him the whole time? Yup, ME!
I instantly wrote this keynote and laid in bed and reflected for a moment. There are so many things sexually that I have never done that I imagine doing sometimes. Yet a part of my mind says I could never and my heart screams louder in saying it’s not really what i want. I then find myself downing others for having threesomes, randoms, and doing crazy little sexual acts. Some things I used to frown upon and then later had the experience and realized it’s not that bad. Most importantly IT’S NOT ANYONES BUSINESS but the persons involved. If you do something and don’t like it or feel dirty or terrible afterward then fine you have the right to be ashamed of yourself. Don’t project your shame on the next person!
I find that this is what happens with me often times. I used to smoke cigarettes when I drank alcohol, now i don’t smoke at all and I curl my lip up at people who do. If it was healthy i would still be doing it. In fact there are a lot of things that if not personally affected i would be experiencing and doing and because I don’t and some have the freedom to I judge them.
The fact of the matter is, I am ashamed of other people for the very things I really want to do or try and haven’t in fear of whatever it is that has me fearful about it. Many of us are like this. It’s not fair. Put a stop to the judgement. Now I get it, if you have a family member on drugs, or your Spouse is cheating, or people are being racist or doing and saying things that are just out right degrading and disgusting or disrespectful by all means be concerned and seek help and support them or whoop their ass…. ok maybe not the violence. But if you are not being hurt by someone’s choices in adventure, or exploration and experiences then stop judging them and BE Unashamed of them. Stop judging yourself and live a little if it’s what you too want and BE Unashamed of your experiences. Don’t like it and it’s not for you then don’t do it again.
Shame is a very dark work in my opinion. It’s something that is so hard from us to come out of. It hangs over us like dark clouds and creates depression and other dark ways of being. I really encourage that we release the word ashamed and replace it with concerned. Unless someone is truly just a dark person and is purposely being shameful. If the word fits let them wear it.
BElieve, BE Free, BE YOUtiful… BE!
I sometimes struggle with having to BE Right all the time. It’s because most of the time I am right. Lol. With the comfort of always knowing my “facts” and knowing EVERYTHING, I sometimes even right my wrongs.
Why do I always have to BE Right?
I mean I even hear myself when proven wrong trying to explain my way into right and then just getting frustrated while the receiver of my wrong Info who is proving me wrong is just starting to doubt everything I’ve ever said including the times I was right. Lol. Even in this blog post I’m thinking and want to tell you again that i am hardly ever wrong.
Truth is I am wrong many times. There are things I do and say that are unfair, I have given misinformation just to finish the questioning, even lied about things to make things “better” or to clear my name or a situation. Even in the times my wrongs are received as right I end up feeling terrible because I know the truth! I know that I may have deceived someone. I may have given someone wrong information that will be a domino effect Into more misinformation causing them to be lost or long term affected. There is no righting any of that!
I am learning that it’s okay to BE Wrong! I’m learning that to admit I was wrong is actually freeing and feels so much better than pretending to BE Right or Righting my wrongs. I’m accepting that none of us know everything and it doesn’t make us any better than the next if we think we do know everything and it doesn’t make us less than anyone else if we don’t know much at all.
Most importantly Ive realized that when you admit you were wrong…. you are actually …. Right!
BElieve, BE Free, BE YOUtiful… BE!
As you know by now I am an advocate for self love. I have many keynotes that fall under loving yourself and so i really don’t need to go deep into this one. I just want to encourage you all to really truly love you! Dislike things about you that can be changed and work at them if you want to but know that YOU will never change who you are just some of the things you do and the ways you react to life! So love you! I mean really love yourself. Others with judge, some may reject you, many with will try to control or change you and you will also feel an abundance of love coming from a few. None of it, absolutely none of it means anything until you can actually love yourself. Is a world where you can choose anything!!!! Chose yourself and truly Be Chosen.
BElieve, BE Free, BE YOUtiful…BE!
Sorry I’m late! This happened to me and then such and such happened and then before i knew it time slipped out from under me. EXCUSE!
I didn’t mean to hurt you it’s just that, blah blah blah…. EXCUSE!
Add in every time you have heard someone explain their actions after an apology and how it actually came across as arrogant, as if their life issues or the way they decided to handle their time in front of the time they were suppose to meet you or how something that came up for them was waaaaaay more important that what they promised to do for you.
With me if you need to explain why and why and why you couldn’t keep a commitment with me or how you didn’t mean to hurt me BUT… Then an apology is not needed because i really didn’t hear anything past your excuses of why your time or feelings were more important than mine.
BE Simple when apologizing and make sure it is coming from your heart and authentically! If one wants to know what happened or the whys and how’s etc believe me they will ask. Oh need some definitions of simple?
Free from guile (innocent)
Free from vanity (modest)
A humble or modest position
Free from complications
Free of elaboration and figuration
Not limited or restricted (UNCONDITIONAL)
An apology should def BE Simple if indeed using all of the positive definitions I’ve pulled from Webster. Otherwise in my opinion the apology is null and void. Simply put.
BElieve, BE Free, BE YOUtiful…BE!
Many of us feel broken and think we need to Be fixed. Truth is no one is broken and no one can be “fixed”. We can feel hurt and down and can do many things to build ourselves back up. One of the ways we do this is find self help and self discovery workshops. I believe they are powerful and leave you with many tools in life to get through obstacles and to be reminded of just how great you are.
Many of us think that we can go to these programs and be healed right away, a quick fix. I know this from experience and also speaking to many friends and strangers alike who have participated in such programs. I even know many people who enroll in multiple programs back to back and sometimes simultaneously. In my opinion this is a no no. I mean you risk the chance of being overwhelmed and filled with anxiety with all the discoveries and the motion that you can be fixed from this weekend program. These programs are designed to give you the tools you need to face difficult times in life or to find why you may not be getting where you want to be in life etc. Given these tools you can’t just put them in your pocket after the program is done and expect everything will be better and complete and that you will be “fixed” you have to actually be willing and do the work. Continue in the work! Understand the work and walk with the tools. Actually become the change you are looking for! Make the moves you haven’t been making, continue to strive, be motivated to do more and be more. Sometimes you won’t actually discover what you wished to discover or thought would be revealed right away. Sometimes it’s not just bouncing around into program after program and event after event. Sometimes you just have to BE Still! BE Still and reflect on what you want. BE Still and listen to your inner self, your heart, you thoughts, your soul. BE Still and understand that life’s lessons are not taught all at once and there is no true fix to problems but solutions to get better. BE Still and realize that there is something bigger than you, greater than you, and the “fix” you need is inside of you and around you showing you exactly what you want to see. The universe/God/your higher being has everything you are looking for, all the solutions. The universe/God leads you to these programs and to these churches and to these events and sends people your way to guide you and get you and keep you on the path that is right for you. But you will never know it if you don’t take time and just BE Still and listen!!!!! Continue to run and bounce and you will truly find that it’s the same shit, just a different program if you don’t actually do the work. And to do the work you have to use the tools and to really Understand how the tools will work for you, you sometimes have to BE Still and wait for instructions.
BElieve, BE Free, BE YOUtiful… BE!
So the Obvious lesson of this keynote would be if you are not in need of a wheelchair and use one anyway you are taking away from someone who may have needed that wheelchair. True. I want to go deeper with this keynote.
I remember about 4 years ago I was in a leadership workshop with 40 something other participants and we were being lectured about why it’s important to be on time and how it affects the world when we are not (we had been about 30 mins late being complete. Complete meaning we were all there and ready to start the 3rd day of this particular training. Well, we actually were late double the time. Our coordinator had given us a later start time because we left the training the night before later than expected. Even after being given a later time to start, many of us took advantage of the new start time and lallygagged taking our time to reach the new arrival time and ended up late because of trains, taxis, people, traffic, and just because we were running behind. The first thing that popped in my head when we were discussing the importance of being on time was this keynote quote. “If you don’t need a wheelchair, don’t sit in a wheelchair”. Easy to interpret now, the deeper meaning. If someone gives you a new meeting time don’t take advantage by piling up more things in your plate that could possibly make you late. We New Yorkers know how the train and bus systems can be ridiculous and so it’s important to give more time in case something happens. Even if you don’t live in New York, accidents and unexpected traffic is a thing and possible to run into. It is smart to shoot for the original time that was given and just enjoy some time to yourself in the location so that you can be on time. Anytime someone gives you a crutch (wheelchair) to make it to something at a certain time, or to reschedule, or to do away with the plan all together and you don’t need the new time or the new date etc, go ahead and BE Able to keep the commitment. BE Able to make it on time to that meeting, lunch date, show, etc. BE Able to do all things that are set before you. There maybe be a time when you are unable and that wheelchair you need is being occupied by someone else who didn’t need it. Karma.