secu secure

Take a look all around. In the streets, on the internet, at your job, in the grocery store, of course in the club, and even in church……Thots! Home wreckers! Jezebels. Hoooooookers!!!!! 😡… Okay, I’m not really mad at them, just wanted to give you the effect for the topic I’m going into!

There are so many “things” that we can lose our “love” to. Lost of interest, lack of sex, BAD SEX, financial issues, different living styles, SLUTS!!!!! 😡. (There’s that special effect again). Whatever reason you’ve come up with in your head of how you can lose the guy/girl your with currently, let it go! When we get all worried, we start to smother our lovers, holding them so tight they literally can’t breathe. Or maybe not start to do these things, we are just ones who cling from the beginning! Stop it! I have been the one holding on too tight and I have been the one held way too tight and it’s not cute either way! It’s just not healthy! There are many ways to hold on to tight. Here are some of my experiences.

  1. The 1,2 checkup: This is the phone checker, the one who checks in 50 times a day and if they only check back 49 times there’s a problem. They want to keep you in check!

*raises hand* I have been this guy! I’ve also been with this guy! It’s not cute on either side! Give space to your lover. A reason for them to miss you during the day. Save some of what happened throughout the day for a conversation over dinner or chill time. If when you text or call them and they don’t answer right away, stop assuming they are doing something wrong and give them a chance to become available to hit you back. It could be that they are truly busy! Driving, in conversation or an innocent situation to where they can’t answer at that moment. It’s not all about you and stop thinking it is! This is suffocating and will only cause tension for them and major doubt in your mind.

  1. The over pleaser: This is the person that buys you anything you want, bends over backwards, walks on eggshells around you, agrees with almost everything you say, it’s all about you while they sit in the back forgetting themselves. (Please read this in first person also because you could be the one!)

*raises hand* i haven’t been the one doing this much (because I am outspoken and not the one to back down often) but I have def been the one with the guy like this! It gets old and boring and starts to not feel real. We humans live for a bit of a challenge. Maybe not an argument, but it’s healthy to disagree sometimes. It’s important to have respect for yourself and to get the same thing in return that you are giving. To shower with gifts, tip toe and let everything be someone else’s way only turns into an avenue for someone to use you and take advantage. What happens when you can’t give them their way anymore? …… exactly. I feel personally I have been spoiled in some relationships to where I was turned off and didn’t feel any of it was out of love but yet a token to make me stay and it takes more than materialistic things to keep me! Stop smothering lovers with everything you have! Love should be enough and everything else is a special surprise!

  1. The “promise me” and “please don’t leave me” and the “I could never live or love again without you”: This person wants a promise ring or something that shows you will “always be faithful and never leave them”. (  been there ,have plenty of rings to prove it, lol). They ask you over and over again if you are happy with them and make you say I love you and express your love for them from 1 minute to the next. (Yup! Also been me!). They say they could never love or go on with life without you, hysterically! (Skirrrrrrrrrt no bitch, never been me!) 😜

*stares off in the distance in a daze* *snaps back into the present * ….. stop it stop it and stop it! Making someone promise with a symbolic item or make verbal promises that we all know could be broken is childlike and immature and a set up for disaster. Instead just love and BE loved! BE in the moment. If someone leaves or doesn’t want you anymore let them go! Silly to want to hold on to someone who doesn’t want to be held on to.

  1. The tag along or no one goes: this is the person who always wants to go where you go and hang out with you 24/7 . With your family, with your boys/girls, work events, all that. Or is the person that wants you to go everywhere with them! No space at all.

*turns red with an awkward smile on face, slowly raising hand* : dammit I hate to admit it but I have been this guy! I have also been on the other end to where I was controlled. Many relationships. To where my lovers stopped having lives and I in return stopped having my own separate life and we made each other our lives and resentment came about and regret. I mean if you can’t trust your mate to go out with friends or have a separate life from yours then why be with them?

  1. The cell phone operator: this is the one who goes through your phone constantly and questioning shot because it just doesn’t add up!

*blank stare* we will not elaborate on this. And yes I have been him and have dated him. Smh

Why are we holding on so tight?????? Listen no matter how many phone calls and texts you make, no matter how many gifts you buy, how great your sex is, no matter how much money you have, materialistic things you can produce. No matter how many promises are made and rings are bought, you can still end up losing the one you love to infidelity, conflict of interest, whatever! And no matter what dungeon you keep your lover in or how you lock them up in the basement with a leash……. okay wait this one will just send you to jail!

Truth is if the relationship you are dealing with is real true healthy love you won’t have to hold on to tightly to it. It will also choose you. Always come back to you. Respect you. Love you. Cherish you. Protect you. Holding on too tight can cause a person to become no longer attracted to you, resent you, regret you, and possibly cheat on you. (Never went there) but have broken up with great lovers due to this annnnnnnd been dismissed for the same reason (and I know I’m a great catch). If you have to go all out of your way to make sure your lover isnt going to cheat on you, do you dirty, or leave you, then you may just be in the wrong relationship or maybe you aren’t ready for a relationship and have some personal issues to work out. BE Secure in knowing that you are enough and are chosen! Start enjoying your relationships. Enjoy your space when you have it and allow them to have their space so when you get back together it’s magical. Let that “missing you” tension build up. BE Secure that you were chosen by your lover for a reason that no one else possesses. Only your love and sex and passion can hold them. Most importantly BE Secure in who you are and the fucking magic you hold in knowing that if you are getting less than you feel you deserve or your gut feelings tell you all the things you already know that are wrong In the relationship,  that you keep searching for, that you will be okay and get to move on to something better.

BElieve, BE Free, BE YOUtiful… BE!

Keone Dent

 

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