Abandonment issues! Always afraid of being left alone without someone close. The experience of being left alone because of life’s cycle or even because someone has chosen not to want to love you anymore. This is me! This is many of us.
My mother who is my best-friend, confidant, advisor (sometimes I am the one advising, lol), road dog, roller coaster buddy, napkin for my tears to fall into. OK I know you get it. She means the world to me!
I don’t like to think of the day she will leave me, but I do all the time. It overwhelms me sometimes because, even though I know I am loved and have other connections, family, friends, partner, but it’s not the same connection I have with mommy. Also she is my only immediate family member. Only child here. So The thought of being left alone without her here drags me heavy! With all of her illnesses, diabetes, high blood pressure, survivor of kidney cancer, living with one kidney lower than 60%, liver overworked, RA, anemia, I always fear the worst. BUT WHY? WHY am I WORRYING about this? While she is still smiling, laughing, living her life, wanting and yearning for time with me, I’m over here in my feelings and not just enjoying my time with her freely and without worry. Truth is I could be the one to get hit by a car or a plane incident, and clock out, God forbid!
If you have a loved one who is in their death bed or with an illness that is fatal do not treat them different or run and hide in fear of losing them while being close to them. Memories are to be made and LOVE is to be had! They live in happiness knowing you love them and are there loving them in celebration of who they ARE not pitying them for the state they are in. Well, this is my opinion or how I would feel.
It’s not just death! If you are like me in the sense of a relationship thinking someone is going to leave you because you are difficult or not up to their standards and you get all cloudy in your head and begin to distant yourself way before there is an inch between you (no distance at all, lol). STOP. Don’t worry about it. It is probably the reason your relationship is broken now. Enjoy your time with your lover. If they are not showing it back or you feel the disconnection remind them you love them and do as you can to show them the way YOU do. If they end up cheating on you, or leaving you, or disrespecting you where you have to leave, so BE it. Those things are out of your control! PERIOD. Continuing to worry and accuse, and argue, silent treatments, punishing, making jealous, whatever, is only pushing them away, causing them to rebuttal in a nasty way and it all causes you more insecurity, pain, grief, cloudy minds, and even illnesses! Enjoy him/her for the love you have, trust, watch, LOVE, BE, and if you can’t anymore then MOVE ON!
When you worry and don’t enjoy your loved ones fully it is a form of disconnect! While they are in your life LOVE them, BE with them, enjoy them, encourage them, be motivated by them, learn from them, teach them. BE Connected! As they can easily be the one to leave you, you could be the link that unchains mentally, physically, or even clocking out this world. While you can…..BE Connected!
BElieve, BE Free, BE YOUtiful…BE!