BE Self-Sufficient

Are you a top or a bottom? Do you consider yourself masculine or feminine, dominant or submissive? ARE YOU THE BIG SPOON or THE LITTLE SPOON? These are questions that are asked in the beginning of most gay relationships and maybe in heterosexual ones too, but that’s not my business. For BE Self-Sufficient, I will be concentrating on the spoons, yet explaining why we should worry more about being “forks”!

Please take a look at the following YouTube video!


Notice that a spoon holds whatever you decide to scoop onto it and it stays when held still. As soon as you begin to shake the spoon, whatever “solid” is being held in the spoon becomes unstable and falls to the ground. The fork however stabs into the “solid” item, and holds on tight to it. In relationships when we are most concerned with the “spooning” and other physical emotions, we end up being held on to loosely by how we physically make someone feel, or we hold to what we physically want and become attached to it forgetting about what we need mentally, losing all stability. In many relationships, gay and straight, we tend to rely on what we can physically get, or what we can physically provide. Good sex, gifts, touching just to feel a touch, kissing like we are in the only scene of a love movie. We don’t gain a solid relationship this way. Instead we get attached to those physical traits and then when the relationship gets rocky it’s easy to move along to someone else who has those physical things yet placing you in the same cycle. If we become more Self-Sufficient, being able to provide and love ourselves we would know exactly what to look for in a relationship and learn at working to keep them through rough times!

Okay I was trying not to include a personal story to this Keynote but, I’m what? LIBRA and what does that mean? You get a piece of me. In many of my past relationships, I was guilty for holding on to them for the physical feel. Having something that is like your best friend around them all the time, starting to just blend into their norm, losing my own routine. Cuddling because you want that feeling of love. Occasionally having sex with them of course, I mean you are there for that too. In all of these relationships, as most in the beginning, feels so good and like the ‘Real” thing and as soon as it become rocky because you already knew in the beginning that it wasn’t what you needed, you have missed the time to have what you needed and know you deserve and instead you hold on to the feeling and playing pretend/make believe while “Spooning”. I used the word you in that personal past experience but you still get it’s my story and I’m not telling you about your similar dating life style. Now, I’ve gone back to being Self-Sufficient and being there for myself, loving myself and sometimes even touching myself (whatever you care to imagine. Carrying this Self-Sufficient, self-love into new relationships, (I do speak of friendships too), I am able to determine if this person is capable of loving me and caring for me as I do for myself. If not, I’m good by myself and I’ll continue to BE Self-Sufficient! A FORK. As I was typing this blog, about an hour ago, I came up with an acronym, FORK, Finding Our Real Keepers. That’s the journey I’m on, only finding those that are real enough to keep.

So as we all enjoy a good “spoon” I welcome you to joining me in learning to “FORK” Finding Our Real Keepers, all while striving to BE Self-Sufficient!

Believe, BE Free, BE YOUtiful…BE!

Keone Dent




7 thoughts on “BE Self-Sufficient

  1. This really got me. This is the truth, and I’ve spooned my way to too many wrong relationships. Thank you for these words… Giving me a lot to think about.

  2. Finding Our Real Keepers I think that is what everyone strives to find but unfortunately misses the mark by using substitute placeholders that were never meant to stay. I love this keynote and the acronym will definitely use this and give you a shout out for it you hit the nail on the head!

  3. You know me Keone with that said, I’m working on my fork starting today. Sometimes I think you are like hmmm I wonder what she needs to hear today and boom…the message, the inspiration, the key note

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