This was one of the first quotes I had ever written. I was 16 years old and deep into writing poetry. This quote stayed written on one of the pages in my poetry book and was never shared until I co directed Western Oklahoma State College’s musical production “Spamalot” and wrote it on all the cast members thank you cards. Now, it’s the first “keynote” that I’m sharing with you on Keone’s BE Spot!
Habits are formed every day. Well actually science would have it that they are formed in 21 days. Ask my opinion, it only takes one bag of salt and vinegar chips on a Tuesday that makes me want have another on Wednesday and yup, you got it, I’m having a bag on Thursday while posting #TBT on Instagram. If Bad habits can be picked up, isn’t it only fair to conclude that so can good ones…ANNNNNNNND habits are not prejudice. They don’t have to only be physical, they CAN be mental. I believe we are who we are because we practice being who we want to be, or give in to what others or society tells us we are. If my belief is in fact true, then you can pretend BE CONFIDENT until one day your walking out the house, with your head held high, like the super overweight chick/dude in their best spandex shorts that they bought at forever21 on sale for $9.99. I’m not talking bad about him/her, I congratulate them for having the confidence to be and dress how they choose to. Whether it looks good or not? I leave those critiques up to the fashion world.
When I was growing up I was sociable, trust me you couldn’t get me to shut up, ask my mother, or anyone who came across me. When I started getting old enough to realize my own individuality and started comparing myself to others, I became a bit insecure. I didn’t have a normal life. In fact, I had so much help from the world, “feeling out of the norm”. I was biracial during the 80’s when it wasn’t really accepted, (we lived mostly in the south), my father was in the Marine Corps, which caused us to live in many places in only a few years span so I was always the “new Kid” that no one cared to know because remember, I was biracial. My father would try to mold me into who he expected me to be. Had he had his way I would have been a Marine yelling out OORAH in my deepest voice during the time of don’t ask don’t tell, and bitch I didn’t have to tell, EVERYONE ASSUMED! Nope I wasn’t the G word, NOT YET!….So I didn’t know where I fit in. Black, White, Gay, Straight, whatever! I was so different and I believe my parents were afraid that I was too different that they put me in a private Christian school… OH Hell! Add to my insecurities please! Now I was a new kid yet again and this time in a Baptist school, where they taught that interracial dating was not acceptable and that if you didn’t play basketball as a boy or volleyball as a girl you were going straight to HELL! Okay not that extreme but I’m trying to paint a picture for you. So finally my parents put me back into public school and I’m 16 in high school and I wrote in my poetry book, “Pretend to be Confident, until it becomes a habit! It’s what I had been doing since I realized my insecurities. I would laugh with people when they made fun of me and pretend it didn’t bother me, I would make jokes even about myself. I would walk past huge crowds of kids hold my breath and pretend there was music playing and walk to the rhythm like I was in a fashion show with my head held high, I the Model, they the buyers of the clothes I wore. I would pretend to not be nervous when I auditioned for talent shows and musicals. I even pretended to like girls. All of this pretending eventually lead to people seeing a person who wasn’t worried about what others thought. They began to see my talent, I started placing in a talent show or getting the lead roles in musicals. People were so interested in knowing who I was and how I could be so different and okay with it. I started getting girlfriends (Sorry to the ladies I dated, I wasn’t gay then but it was on its way, HAAAAAAAAAAAy! Lol). Now? You can’t do a thing to break me down and cause me to be insecure. It’s not a habit inside of me anymore!
I encourage you all who are feeling insecure, PRETEND! Don’t show your insecurities! Work on who you are to be that confident, beautiful individual that only YOU can be. Make everyone accept who you are by not giving them a reason to doubt you because you are doubting yourself. Day by day! One bag chips at a time! PRETEND!!!!! And make it a habit to BE CONFIDENT!
Believe, BE Free,BE YOUtiful… BE!